已在加拿大定居數年的二舅父和舅母最近一家四口回港,今晚一家人和他們吃晚飯,說起我的二舅父,我真的很佩服他,他以前是一位很成功的保險從業員,每月收入很高,在他信了基督教受洗後,他覺得物質上的豐裕並不是重要的,他毅然放棄了保險業,往加拿大修讀神學,從而成為一位收入微簿的牧師,從事傳道及輔導的工作。
和他談起我最近婚姻失敗的問題,他說婚姻的確是一門很高深的學問,將兩個由不同家庭、不同成長背景的人拉在一起生活,怎樣才可好好的相處的確不易,還說現在離婚的比率在教徒中也很高,三對裡便有一對離婚,我在結婚前已經有了心理準備,但當現在離婚更深深體會到這門學問內裡的難度,二舅父還說了一句說話令我深深認同的。
人是沒有完美的,婚姻可以幫助另一半由一個不完美的人,成為一個較完美的人,而不是要求另一半成為一個較完美的人。
這是一個態度上的選擇,的確是知易行難,因為很多時會不自覺地向另一半套上要求,我在這次離婚受的打擊真的很大,很多謝在我失意時支持我的家人和朋友,尚算可幸的是在這次失敗的經歷看到自己不足之處,從而希望改善自己,以後不再重蹈覆轍。
Dear Tin Yau,
You are brave to bring out your 經歷 here.
In my believes.....婚姻的意義 is ......
"being needed"
"to need"
"to care"
"to understand'....
This is my experience after some heartbreak :cry1:
~YY
有道理
As I have heard once from a marriage counselor: "you are created to serve him/her (your spouse). If everyone haave this attitude, then most problems in marriage could be resolved. In today's society, there is too emphasize on "ME". The other problem is a lot of people have the mentality of 不在"符"天长地久 , 只在"符"曾经拥有. If there are problem, they don't want to work it out and take the easy way out.
I don't know what happened to your marriage but I feel for you. A few years ago, I broke up with my fiance (to me that was like a divorce) and 6 months later, I got laid off from work. That was the worst time of my life. In fact, I am still trying to get over that. He is now engaged to be married on May 20, 2006. Tomorrow is his birthday. I have send him a present with a note - telling him there is a piece of my heart that he has which I can never get back. But, today, I choose to let him go and I choose to let go of that piece of my heart. Yes, it's hard. But life must go on, right?
I am not married yet, but I really like the quote from your uncle, words of wisdom. I think it can apply to relationships too. I have a girlfriend and sometimes I realize that I tend to ask a lot from her. I am learning to improve myself.
BTW, I really admire people like your uncle. It takes great faith and courage to choose a path your uncle has chosen. My prayers go to your uncle and God bless your uncle!
Kuri:沒錯,雖然打擊很大,但路此終要繼續行,唯有盡量以平常心面對。
AsceticMonk:我舅父這句說話的確可以套用在任何感情關係上,真的很有智慧,希望你倆的關係可以更好。另外我代我舅父多謝你。
看了这篇日志后很受感动,一份睿智给我启迪,我结婚3年了,也常常在感受婚姻的意义,你舅父的一句话总结了婚姻的真谛:人是沒有完美的,婚姻可以幫助另一半由一個不完美的人,成為一個較完美的人,而不是要求另一半成為一個較完美的人。
如此宽容的对人对事对物,是一颗健康的心灵所能萌发出来的,同时也很佩服你舅父的选择,能脱离物质的诱惑,认真面对自己的心灵,是我的向往。
Just a passenger here. But really like what you all shared here...
我覺得現時男女實在不太專重婚姻,離婚是不是唯一可行的方向?當你喜歡一個人的時候,就耍接受他(她)的一切尤其是缺點。這是兩人一起生活的首要條件。
以我本人當然想解決問題不用離婚,但做了很多事也無法令我前妻找回她說的感覺,與其不肯離婚令到她不開心,倒不如放手令她可以繼續開心生活下去。
想不到電視劇裏的情節會發生在我身上 ………
三星期前,我的人生上演了一幕逃婚記,不幸地我是被逃的一方。原來那種被離棄, 被欺騙, 被屈辱的感覺可以教人陷入無底深淵。眼前的人是如此陌生, 原來一生一世的承諾是如此遙不可及。
我的愛海可真驚濤駭浪,當過第三者、嘗過姊弟戀、以為終可披上嫁衣, 到頭來還是要獨自上路。
明天,我會嫁給誰?
@Joyce:希望妳能好好捱過這一關,終會遇到一個妳命中注定的伴侶的